Random Thoughts From a Random Guy

I am taking my talents to South Beach…

As most of you know, I consider myself to be from Cleveland. My grandparents live there, my parents were born there, most of my aunts and uncles live or lived there, my sisters were born there, and I spent my early years living there. Well for better or worse, I’m a Cleveland sports fan. Indians, Browns, Cavs, and Crunch/Force (indoor soccer for those of you who don’t know). That means that yes, I watched the disgrace that was “The Decision”. Yes, I know it raised a bunch of money for a good cause, but really, it was just a douche move by Akron’s favorite son.

I don’t hate Lebron for leaving, hell I don’t blame him one bit! If you gave me the choice between living in South Beach or living in Cleveland for the next several years, well, you wouldn’t have had the chance to finish saying Cleveland before I had my bathing suit on and my suitcase packed. I do have an issue with how he did it. He should have made his decision with class, a simple press release or small press conference would have sufficed. Clevelanders would have been upset and many would have overreacted, sure, but to play it out on National TV, well, that was like if you had proposed to your girlfriend and she told you she had to think about it, then you went to a baseball game and saw her accept a proposal from another guy she just met on the jumbotron, AND everyone in the stadium knew you had been with her for 7 years and already proposed. I will say this, I have enjoyed the backlash from Cleveland sports fans though – especially this t-shirt. (For those of you who don’t know, there is a rumor that Delonte West (teammate of Lebron in Cleveland) slept with Lebron’s mom.)

Anyway… Cleveland sports are cursed, but isn’t that what makes sports interesting? If every team and city took turns winning championships, would it really be better? I still think one of the worse things to happen to baseball was when the Red Sox finally won a World Series. I used to get joy out of watching them suffer… now they are just insufferable. The same thing will happen if the Cubs ever win. Cubs fans are great because they are tortured, give them a championship and they will just become even more annoying.

I feel the same about Cleveland. Do I want them to win some championships? Hell yes! But there is something about being a tortured sports city that is endearing. Something about being a fan through it all…

So, am I a glutton for punishment? Probably, I mean I adopted the Nationals as my NL team… and between them and the Indians, they might have enough wins to win a division. I root for a city that has been immortalized by other teams triumphs – The Catch (baseball), The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot, and now… The Decision!

*** Seriously, Google all of those phrases and you’ll have a sampling of what it’s like to be a Cleveland fan.

But in closing, I’m going to steal something I read from the Bill Simmons mailbag after The Decision – I am for now on using the phrase “I am taking my talents to South Beach” as a euphemism for masturbation. Fitting because that was basically what The Decision was for Lebron – an hour long masturbation session on public TV.


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