The Power of Bacon
So apparently Bacon (yes I capitalize the B, you must show respect!) is not only the best food on the planet, but a potential deterrent to Islamic suicide bombers!
Is there nothing Bacon can’t do?
Apparently some crazy inventor from an organization called Paradise Lost Anti-terrorism Network of America (PLAN-A) has filed a patent for a Suicide Bomb Deterrent. Ok, that in itself isn’t too crazy. Something to prevent suicide bombing would be a great invention that would save thousands of lives.
Here’s where it gets a little crazy…
His patent is basically packaged pig guts/blood placed in strategic areas that, if they were bombed, would cause the suicide bombers body to be covered in pig guts, and thus would “soil” their soul and prevent them from getting their horde of virgins. So in these strategic areas, you’d have a package containing pig blood/guts and on the outside of the package would read a warning for any would be suicide bomber telling him/her that if they detonated, they would get covered in pig, or as the patent states:
“In accordance with one embodiment, the present invention as claimed is a manufactured device of self-defense designed to preemptively warn and deter the potential fanatical religious suicide bombing terrorist from otherwise detonating an explosive charge in close proximity thereto, comprising a frangible retention envelope containing material including porcine derivative, which is affixed to a substratum of solid yet frangible material imbued with porcine derivative. An operational warning notice adorns the front of said substratum, disclosing capability of said device to effectively deliver a retaliatory consequence in self-defense against a suicide bomber detonating an explosive charge in close proximity thereto.”
Yep… Crazy right? But what if it works? Will we see packages of pig blood metro with the below warning?
DETONATION OF EXPOSIVE IS GREATLY DISCOURAGED
NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN that the frangible glass amulet
affixed to this Shield contains a significant quantity of pig’s blood in a
liquid state. It has been treated with preservative and anticoagulant
additives. Further, this Shield is imbued with pig bone. Detonation of
an explosive charge within close proximity of this Shield is greatly
discouraged. Such explosive event is likely to cause the catastrophic
failure of the containment properties of the glass amulet and this Shield,
resulting in the indiscriminate disbursal of porcine derivatives over a vast
area of the immediate surroundings.”
Here’s his website if you’re curious, but unfortunately, this is the only wacky thing on the site… I was let down, I was hoping for some great entertainment, but left with just links to his patent request. Oh and his email address: Fat-AL@cox.net (wonder if he’s related to Big Gay Al?)
Bacon – not just tasty, but a deterrent to crazy suicide bombers!